He probably thinks I am creepy. Probably thinks I fantasized about him in high school. That I wished he would dump his petite 115 pound cheerleader girlfriend and tell me he fell for me when we shard the same film studies class. He probably thinks I find his cute little smile heart melting and that all I want is for him to request a seat change so we can share the next two hour and forty minutes plane ride together. He probably wonders why the hell I had to go and approach him when he was perfectly content with peeking glances at me and turning away. He probably thinks all of these things and for at those thoughts concerning me, he'd be spot on.
I hate to admit that when confronted with the awkward situation of running into people from high school, I immediately revert back to high school like behavior. It registered instantly who he was then, who i was then. Then, that's who I became. I stared, like I did in high school. My body temperature rose and put into a hypnotic state where I became incapable of forming sentences, a rare occurrence. Anyone who knows me, knows I am a talker. I felt us both trying to decided on the appropriate response to the situation.
Disregarding the others presence was not a feasible option after we made eye contact. Now the next question became, who will break the silence?
After standing in line, one man behind him for two minutes it was clear I'd be initiating operation awkward, "What have you been doing since high school?" small talk...
"Nick?" I whispered.
"Hey...," he slowly replied.
"Arianna," I said.
"Right, sorry. I thought that was it. Small world?"
"Yeah, headed back to Seattle?"
"Yep, yep. You, what about you?"
"Yeah, just down here visiting my dad."
"Your dad, that's cool. Yeah, I just went and saw Madeline at school."
"Oh nice, so you guys are still together. That's great."
side note: Madeline would be Nick's high school sweetheart. The 115 pound petite cheerleader he won't let go of. She should have left him long ago though, after the first time he cheated. But apparently you can cheat on someone countless times and still have them be the love of your life.
We continued with our small talk for a little while longer, before we both boarded the airplane and were separated by our seat assignments. Like I said, I secretly wanted him to request a seat change, but of course that did not happen. As I sit here, well not here, because now I am typing up this post, after the fact, I thought about why it mattered so much to me in high school what people like Nick thought of me. Why i secretly longed to be his crush, why i tied my self worth to a popular boys romantic interest in me. I especially wonder why all of those illogical feelings came racing forward the minute I spoke to him. Feeling like the awkward, outspoken seventeen year old I was my senior year of high school is never a sensation I like to re experience. I lived in that place for a year too long, and when it was gone, I did not miss it. So why did i let the feeling return? Why did I let such a stupid situation make feel like I was back in high school?
He didn't wait for me after he departed the plane. I thought for some reason he might, but he didn't. I did run into him again though, in the arriving flights pick up outside the airport. As he loaded his stuff into his rides car, we waved good bye and he drove off. Somehow running into Nick felt significant. In the year since I graduated high school I have somehow managed to avoid awkward run ins with previous classmates. This was the first one of its kind. Although I am embarrassed for the feelings the encounter sparked, I think it taught me compassion for the person I was then. I would rather feel compassion for that girl, the old me, than shame. But when Nick left, and I stood there waiting for my ride, I returned to my old new self, and was grateful that time of my life is now over.
We continued with our small talk for a little while longer, before we both boarded the airplane and were separated by our seat assignments. Like I said, I secretly wanted him to request a seat change, but of course that did not happen. As I sit here, well not here, because now I am typing up this post, after the fact, I thought about why it mattered so much to me in high school what people like Nick thought of me. Why i secretly longed to be his crush, why i tied my self worth to a popular boys romantic interest in me. I especially wonder why all of those illogical feelings came racing forward the minute I spoke to him. Feeling like the awkward, outspoken seventeen year old I was my senior year of high school is never a sensation I like to re experience. I lived in that place for a year too long, and when it was gone, I did not miss it. So why did i let the feeling return? Why did I let such a stupid situation make feel like I was back in high school?
He didn't wait for me after he departed the plane. I thought for some reason he might, but he didn't. I did run into him again though, in the arriving flights pick up outside the airport. As he loaded his stuff into his rides car, we waved good bye and he drove off. Somehow running into Nick felt significant. In the year since I graduated high school I have somehow managed to avoid awkward run ins with previous classmates. This was the first one of its kind. Although I am embarrassed for the feelings the encounter sparked, I think it taught me compassion for the person I was then. I would rather feel compassion for that girl, the old me, than shame. But when Nick left, and I stood there waiting for my ride, I returned to my old new self, and was grateful that time of my life is now over.
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