Pick Up Lines

The worst decision a guy could possibly make is to hit on a girl when she is working. Not only that, but to hit on her when there are customers in the store and by opening the conversation with the question, "So, should i stick with faux hawk or transition to a mohawk?"

If you are a girl, then you have either experienced some version of this yourself, or understand the stupidity I speak of.

I understand it takes a lot of courage as a guy to approach a girl, but I don't think the best approach to "get my digits" is to ask the following succession of questions:

1. Should I stick with the faux hawk or transition to a mohawk?

2. You look Italian. Are you Italian? Do you speak Italian? That'd be cool if you did.

3. What languages do you speak? Say something to me.

4. Do you dance? You look like you dance. Do you salsa?

5. Are you the boss lady? You look like you're bossy. Do you like being bossy?

6. You look smart. Are you in school?

7. What do you want to be when you grow up?

8. What's your name?

9. Can I borrow your pen?

My responses:

1. Stick with the faux hawk.

2. Yes, I am Italian. I don't speak Italian.

3. I took spanish in high school. I have not spoken Spanish in a while.

4. No, I do not dance. Yes, I have learned the salsa.

5. No, I am not the boss lady. ( I was silent to question if I enjoyed being bossy.)

6. Yes, I am in school.

7. I do not know what i want to be when i grow up.

8. Arianna.

9. Sure.

I fail to see how interrogating me will cause me to swoon and fawn over a complete stranger. Maybe I fail to see the format's purpose because it is completley uneffective.

Word of advice: I'd prefer the line, "Is that a library card in your pocket? Because I am checking you out, " then a mess of unimpressive questions which ultimately lead to nothing but embaressment.

Freedom

I believe freedom is a state of mind. We are only as free as our thoughts. Our thoughts limit us and prison us from pure freedom. Freedom take form most often in children. When we reminisce about childhood it's common to express a longing to return to that state of unhindered expression. As i have grown older, i have discovered that what mainly changed from age five to nineteen was not the circumstances, but the way they grew to be perceived. I became aware of judgement, social acceptance, other's beliefs, and any social ideas that hsaped the way i viewed myself.

as i allowed all these things to influence my way of thinking, my way of behavior shifted as a direct result. i allowed outside factors to effect my inner expression. the views which over the years pierced my awareness, continued through to puncture inner pure freedom, freedom of a child. i do not speak of naivety, because awareness and knowledge of the world around us is a great skill. However, it is one thing to be knowledgeable and another to allow that knowledge to limit you from pure expression. Knowledge can lead to perceptions and perceptions can limit our sense of freedom.

I believe the ultimate goal in life is to reacquire that pure state of freedom. To hold awareness of ideas and perceptions but not allow them to stifle our inherent state of being, a state of freedom.

Food

Food is a large part of our culture. It is greatly influenced by our society and other factors. For my philosophy topic I am writing about food. Specifically, processed food. I did not realize until i began to work on the process for my paper how much of what we consume is processed. how much of what we eat comes in ready made packages. I wonder how hard it would be to go even an entire week without consuming any kind of packaged foods. I do not realize how little I actually have to prepare when it comes to meals. I think after writing this paper I will have a new found appreciation for home cooked meals. I may at some point decide to try and go without any type of packaged products, making everything from scratch. Are there people out there who actually successfully do that? Only eat raw food or things they make themselves. What if everyone produced their own food? how different would our world be? I wonder...

Is Age Really Just A Number?

I do not believe it is possible to treat someone completely separate from their age. While you may find similar interests as someone who is either younger or older than you, their age is never not a factor in your perception of them. This is just my belief.

While it may slip your mind during interactions with them, I think there is always some scenario in which the difference in age becomes apparent. For me it always occurs in scenarios involving the reference of a topic. A topic I can not understand or am unfamiliar with due to my age. Then, there it is, the moment where it becomes apparent that while I may hold similar interests or tastes as the other person, does not erase the gap in age, whether they be younger or older than me.

I am speaking of significant age differences between two people, because that is when the saying "age is just a number," is most often heard. In my personal observation, this saying most often presents itself in cases relating to a person's romantic interest. The point then being age is irrelevant in matters of the heart, just a number. I believe it impossible for age to be JUST a number.

The saying should more illogical natures of your heart. Your heart does not know numbers, it just know what it feels. If a person was making that point, then yes, age is just a number. In speaking of relationships, however, age can potentially present many differences and challenges. Your feelings for another person do not undo what is fact: their age.

I do believe it is possible for people with a significant age gap to be in successful relationships. I have yet to experience one, but I digress. My point is that no matter how much you love or care for another person, it does not undo that to some extent, you will never fully see them as just a person for their beliefs. A person's age determines their level of experience, their level of maturity. As we grow older, our ideas shape and shift, it's impossible to ignore these shapes and shifts. Age whether or not we chose to recognize it, in large part shapes who we are. Age is not JUST a number, because it will always play a role in our life. If two people are together and there is a large age difference between them, it is impractical to ignore how that time span may separate the two individuals. No matter how much you may love the other person, it is unrealistic to believe your love will fill all gaps. It won't. I say embrace the fact that in matters of the heart, age is not just a number. Be with someone if you love them, but don't be naive to think your love will conquer reality.

Fix You

This portion of lyrics from "Fix You" felt appropriate for reflection.

And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth

I look at those words and my heart hurts from knowing their meaning too well.

"You're better than this."

"You don't have to stay with him."

"Just let him go, the pain is not worth the company."

When you start to feel alone and miss those lazy love days, everlasting embraces, and whisper words it seems unfortunate the bond is broken.

Then, a scrambled montage of the relationship reality plays and a painful sadness burns deep within your body.

Missing some fantasy and what was there lie in separate realities.

Being lonely does not seem a freeing opportunity to discover your inner value which was once locked away by the blinding love binding you.

For now these are just some assortment of scrambled thoughts which arose when I read those words.

Star Stuff

is what we are made of. From this beautiful collection of dust and hydrogen and helium we were born. It's hard to believe that we came from those twinkling dots light years away.

The material present when the big bang occurred nearly 14 billion years ago made us. Astronomy has a way of igniting a childhood fascination within me.

Just look at that, does any of it seem conceivable?

We are part of some vast universe which can not begin to be constrained or defined within the limits of science. The universe is a great reminder of how little we really are in the scheme of our own life and infinite unknown around.

Here are some facts my astronomy teacher shared with our class:

1. Stars are light years away. Light years are a distance and not a measure of time. Light year is the distance in which light travels to reach us. Although light years represent distance they do signify the period of time an objects light takes to reach us. When we look at a star that is eight light years away we are looking at that star eight years ago because it takes that long for the light to reach us. We have the ability to look in the past.

2. There could be galaxies older than 14 billion years away, but we have not seen them yet because the universe has not been around long enough for that light to reach us. There is so much undiscovered.

3. While the universe is expanding, galaxies are pulled together by gravity.

4. Our milky way galaxy contains more than 100 billion stars

5. The stars are racing across our sky but we can not see it because of the vast distance.

We are all just star stuff, little bits of dust that were born from some exploding star that scattered the elements into space.

Maybe you'll gaze up in the sky now, like I do, and take a moment to appreciate those twinkling lights that made us all.

Counting M&M's

What happened to the days of counting M&M's?

To the days where little boys wanted to be astronauts and firefighters and little girls ballerinas and veterinarians?

When everything was possible, the sky was the limit, and adulthood was an eternity away?

I feel as though I am five again and people are asking me what I want to be when I grow up. Only now "when I grow up" is fast approaching and a firmer answer is expected. I can not change it every year from artist to writer to world traveler; I must pick one.

Can't I just slam my door shut, let the tears tumble, and scream through my door, " I DON'T KNOW!"

Life is so uncertain and we don't really know what turn of events will or may change our life. To say what we want to be or make some definite plan seems pointless.

I do believe in goals and dreams because I think without them we would all wander aimlessly. However, wandering to some extent is good.

My friend had a tattoo that said, "Not all who wander are lost."

I think for now I will go with that.

Plugged In and Tuned Out

Ipods, cellphones, game players, laptops, and everything in between with a battery, a signal, or a power button. Everyone is plugged into their own little world. Don't want to hear the chatter on the bus? Plug in your head phones. Want to pass time instead of develop patience? Check your phone. Looking to tune out the present? Look no further than the latest technological advances.

As soon as I start my day, I see nothing but Ipods, cellphones, or game players. It is a rare situation to see two strangers having a conversation and more common to observe people on their cellphones interacting with friends or family, people they are already familiar with. I think it is more common to meet people through websites or chat rooms than to just approach a person and start a conversation. Have we lost all ability to just communicate with one another in the old way of just sparking up a conversation? Good old fashioned conversation now appears to be a lost art. What would happen i wonder if one day everyone woke up to find, there were no computers, phones, or any technological device that could distract them? Would people talk to the others around them without looking for a distraction, or would there still be a burdensome silence?

When I imagine this scenario, my bus stop in the morning comes to mind. I wonder if the commuters with familiar faces would be brave enough to say hello or if we'd still continue to ignore one another. I suppose we do not ignore each other, we just avoid conversation. But I wonder about them, where they work, what they like to do, so do they wonder the same things about me? Even if they don't, a friendly hello or good morning may brighten both our days. I guess we have become more accustomed to tuning into our own little world, than introducing ourselves into another.

I introduced myself to strangers when I was little. What happened? I used to stand by the entrance of the grocery store, and greet everyone that came in. Just stand there and say hi to every person that came in. I smile at the thought of this. It seems so silly to wish I was more like that now, but I do. Although I rarely carry my ipod, and often prefer to people watch than be on my cellphone, I wish I said hi to strangers. Met people in life through a random introduction. It would feel more natural to act in that way if everyone else felt the same. I think people do enjoy the seclusion they create by shutting others out with cellphones or music players. I do not think I am the only that wishes it was the norm to interact with others, but I know there are many out there who certainly hope they never wake up to find the world missing of all technology.

Transported

I still can not listen to "heartbreak warfare" without feeling the sudden to urge to cry. If I listen to a song in some memorable moment, every time thereafter I am whirled right into that place once again. People may say time travel does not exist, but that unexplainable sense of experiencing a moment again would suggest otherwise. This song is not the only one which transports me to another time.

When I hear Phil Collins, I am five and dancing in fitful movements around my living room. If I hear Sir Mix A lot, I am ten and shaking my butt with my two girl friends on the kitchen table. My associations for the most part are positive ones, but there are just some songs that make my body warm , eyes water, and heart open .

He and I were close, deeply experiencing that sought after sensation of being one. It was an event of connectedness that only makes sense when you've felt it. Time was irrelevant and words unnecessary. The communication which took place could not be translated, heard, or felt by any other person the two of us. We moved closer and closer as if the goal was to erase any sense of space. And then, we just were. I am unsure of how long I laid there. I just remember gently whispering the lyrics, "if you want more love, then why don't you say so" in his ear as I ran my fingers through his hair. He turned to me, stroked the edge of my face and rested his hand in that tender spot on my neck. My heart softened.

For the two months after that moment, the song brought me nothing but joy. And really that is the reason I cry. I cry not because the relationship ended, or I miss him. I cry because when i hear John Mayer's soulful voice I am overcome with love. I think it is safe to assume that we've all felt moments of "I was just so happy that I cried."A tender chord is struck and then I am laying there.

After we broke up, I fought the feelings that arose when I heard "hearbreak warfare." I didn't want to be transported because I was too angry and hurt. Confusion was more present than any other emotion because I failed to understand how someone who once made me feel so loved, in the end caused me so much heartache. There was a time about a month after when I was driving to my friends house, that it started to play on the radio. At first, I fought back, just like every other time. Then it came to the lyrics which I'd once whispered, and suddenly there he appeared, pulling me closer. Flooded with emotion, I burst into tears. After that moment I came to understand the many times I'd seen people cry in their cars.

Even though I let myself go back to that place, it was not until recently that I started playing the song by choice. I still cry, but not because I miss him or feel sadness. I cry because I am reminded of what it feels to become vulnerable and let another person into your heart. For reasons such as that, I am appreciative of the way music transports me.

Trade-sies

I never had a lunch worth trading. My mom was a believer in well balanced meals, which was not appreciated at the prime trading time of my life. NO smart child would trade a banana for mnm's or a string cheese for Trix yogurt with sprinkles. So if my sack lunch would not suffice for trading than neither would the cafeteria food. I would have been the laughing stock of the 2nd grade lunch table if I thought ants-on-a-log was appropriate bargaining material.

There was one girl though who knew how to get the best swap. Always well equipped with pb&j on white bread, an apple juice box, go-gurt ( or another fake form of yogurt), potato chips, and some variety of sweet. She'd place her brown bag lunch on the table, unroll the top, and start to unload that day's sought after contents. The bidding would begin.

"I'll give you my popcorn for your Doritos!!"

"I'll trade you my Root-beer for your cookies!!"

Most times she would wait for all the kids to place their bids before making a final decision. Even after choosing her top pick, she found always found a way to sweeten her end of the deal.

"I'll give you ONE cookie if I get your Root-beer AND 10 chips..."

"Done!"

Irresistible, kids could never deny her deals even if they were a complete rip-off.

I imagine in following years she perfected her bargaining skills and was able to acquire more than some poor saps sack lunch.


I was never able to break into the trading circle, even at Halloween when my chances would appear to greatly increase with the introduction of candy into my meal. My only conclusion is that I lacked the confident and savvy nature the top traders possessed.

At the end of the day my only choice is to look at the situation for the positive. I most likely have a wider palate than those children now and I haven't become chubby on Cheetos.

So I guess a big thanks should go to my mom for teaching me the value of a well balanced meal, even if I did miss out on the prime trading time of MY LIFE.

________ wants to be your friend

I know this friend request is only for the sake of stalking me. Okay, maybe stalk is a strong word. He is going to browse through all my new photos, scroll down my old wall posts, click on links to my friends who've said silly things like, "hey gurlfren, where you at?", and take mental note of the various guys tagged in my profile pictures, the second I hit "accept". The notification, "____ wants to be your friend" has been staring at me for three days. I hesitate to press ignore, because I will surely encounter a sarcastic response like, "oh, so we aren't friends? Well then have a great life!" However, accepting presents its own colorful array of consequences. So, for the moment I have resolved to just let it sit there until...

Are we friends? Were we friends? And how much have people's definition of friendship changed because of social networking sights like Facebook? 177 friends, definitely unrealistic. Adding one more seems insignificant then at this point. It might be time to reevaluate my friendships.

A-Z, it's impossible that more than 50 percent of these people know more about me than my name, birthday, and possibly my favorite kind of food, or how many pets I have, which is three. Even if more than 50 percent do know these trivial small talk facts, it is only because I have provided them with the information in my "about me" or "interests" section. And those over 50 percent of my 177 are what I like to call "facebook friends."

Facebook friends are those people you bumped into once in your high school's hallway and received a friend request from the next day because, oh look, there was your your face in their "people you may know" column. Facebook friends are the people you've shaken hands with at a party who know a friend of a friend, or those classmates you've never spoken one word to, but just know your name. Facebook friends are those whose glamorous lives you want to stalk or those who want to stalk yours. Facebook friends are face value friends. Most do not know anything beyond our surface level pictures, wall posts, and status updates. We are all our own glorified celebrities, tracking each other's every action and thought, or at least the ones we make public. Facebook is the TMZ of everyday people. We are not friends, we are followers, paparazzi, and fans.

Are you sure you wish to delete ____ from your friends list? Yes. Are you sure you wish to delete ____ from your friends list? Hell, yes. One after the other, after the other, til I am down to the last page. With each name, asking myself, "Do I consider this person my friend? Have they ever been there for me after a rough day? Do they know my secrets, my passions, my struggles? Do they want to know?" With each deletion there is a slight twinge of guilt and then a sense of release as I weed out my friends from the followers.

Then, there is the request, plastered to my screen. I attempt to apply the same series of questions in making my decision. My mouse instinctively moves over to the word "ignore" and then, it vanishes. No more fans, followers, or paparazzi, just friends from here on.

Boys on the Bench

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zFWGOKuFyjk

If you have ever watched the movie "When Harry met Sally" then you are well acquainted with the famous point that men and women can not be friends. Billy Crystal's cynical and forward character explains to Meg Ryan's innocent and naive character that it is proven fact that men and women are incapable of being friends because the sex part always gets in the way. He goes on to say that whether or not the attraction or desire is mutual has no influence on the simple fact that it still effects the relationship. The man is just waiting for his chance to pounce, regardless of the woman's interest in her supposed friend. In simple terms, putting a man in the "friend zone" does not undo his feelings or make him a friend.

I think the best name for this situation is "boys on the bench." They're simply waiting until they are called into the game for their chance to play.

I have struggled with this theory because I felt it invalidated all of my male friendships. Are they really my friends if secretly or not so secretly, they are waiting to be with me? Do they value my company or just spend our time together fantasizing? And, if they aren't just my friend, or my partner, what are they?

After mulling over those questions I have come to the following conclusion. Men and women can not be friends. Put aside the possibilities of sexual orientation because I am purely speaking about a heterosexual male and female. We were made to procreate, to experience chemistry and connection and not for the sake of just feeling it, but to do something about it. So applying this idea that underneath it all we are driven by attraction and feeling, men and women are not friends because that part is still a component of the relationship, whether it is apparent or not.

As I have grown older that underlying voice of desire has become increasingly louder in my male counterparts. I have always felt I had an easier time befriending boys than girls, but am questioning those friendships more and more. My "friends" are becoming more honest, and while I typically value honesty, in this circumstance I lack appreciation. Like the moment your parents tell you Santa isn't real, all you want to do is yell, "No, you're wrong! I don't believe you," and then you burst into tears because you've known for awhile and are upset because you are not little and stupid anymore. Well, with that as my comparison, I'm angry that I can no longer be little and stupid and want to yell "No, Billy Crystal, you're wrong!"

I remember watching, "When Harry met Sally" with my ex boyfriend and we paused after the point where Billy Crystal shatters Meg Ryan's idealistic view of female/male friendships. For a moment we just sat there in silence, because we realized I was Meg Ryan and my ex boyfriend was Billy Crystal. The days prior to watching to this movie he had tried for a tiresome ten minutes to convince me that my male friends were not really my friends. I of course, in my strong will, argued my hardest, partly knowing he was right. But sitting there in that moment with him just made me give in. I replayed those times when my "friends" stopped talking to me once I had a boyfriend, but re initiated contact after the relationship ended. Or the hurt looks on their face when I would mention another guy. Oh yes, I just waved my little white flag and turned to my ex with an expression that read, "Please forgive me, I was little and stupid." He pressed replay and we finished the movie without another pause.

Since that first viewing of "When Harry Met Sally" I have posed the question "Can men and women be friends?" to many people. I ask mostly women and 90 percent of the time they're initially hesitant to answer. But after being given a few minutes, they gently shake their heads and reply with a simple "no". With that "No" we kill our inner Meg Ryan, but realize it is the right answer when we hear those yelling boys on the bench.