Transported

I still can not listen to "heartbreak warfare" without feeling the sudden to urge to cry. If I listen to a song in some memorable moment, every time thereafter I am whirled right into that place once again. People may say time travel does not exist, but that unexplainable sense of experiencing a moment again would suggest otherwise. This song is not the only one which transports me to another time.

When I hear Phil Collins, I am five and dancing in fitful movements around my living room. If I hear Sir Mix A lot, I am ten and shaking my butt with my two girl friends on the kitchen table. My associations for the most part are positive ones, but there are just some songs that make my body warm , eyes water, and heart open .

He and I were close, deeply experiencing that sought after sensation of being one. It was an event of connectedness that only makes sense when you've felt it. Time was irrelevant and words unnecessary. The communication which took place could not be translated, heard, or felt by any other person the two of us. We moved closer and closer as if the goal was to erase any sense of space. And then, we just were. I am unsure of how long I laid there. I just remember gently whispering the lyrics, "if you want more love, then why don't you say so" in his ear as I ran my fingers through his hair. He turned to me, stroked the edge of my face and rested his hand in that tender spot on my neck. My heart softened.

For the two months after that moment, the song brought me nothing but joy. And really that is the reason I cry. I cry not because the relationship ended, or I miss him. I cry because when i hear John Mayer's soulful voice I am overcome with love. I think it is safe to assume that we've all felt moments of "I was just so happy that I cried."A tender chord is struck and then I am laying there.

After we broke up, I fought the feelings that arose when I heard "hearbreak warfare." I didn't want to be transported because I was too angry and hurt. Confusion was more present than any other emotion because I failed to understand how someone who once made me feel so loved, in the end caused me so much heartache. There was a time about a month after when I was driving to my friends house, that it started to play on the radio. At first, I fought back, just like every other time. Then it came to the lyrics which I'd once whispered, and suddenly there he appeared, pulling me closer. Flooded with emotion, I burst into tears. After that moment I came to understand the many times I'd seen people cry in their cars.

Even though I let myself go back to that place, it was not until recently that I started playing the song by choice. I still cry, but not because I miss him or feel sadness. I cry because I am reminded of what it feels to become vulnerable and let another person into your heart. For reasons such as that, I am appreciative of the way music transports me.